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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22619413">i bear little resemblance to the king i could become</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/silpium/pseuds/silpium'>silpium</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>inktober 2019 [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 08:15:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22619413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/silpium/pseuds/silpium</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Something else that’s infuriating about Hinata: he doesn’t question much. He never questions how Kageyama never smiles. He never questions why Kageyama doesn’t seem to have any friends. He never questions why Kageyama doesn’t talk much about himself, or talk much at all. He’ll make fun of these things sometimes, sure, but there’s never a probing question lingering beneath it. He seems to know there are just some things about Kageyama that are the way they are and that won’t change.</p>
</blockquote><p>Or: sometimes people find their homes later in life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou &amp; Kageyama Tobio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>inktober 2019 [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>121</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i bear little resemblance to the king i could become</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>for inktober day #9, "swing."</p><p>note that there are themes of parental neglect in this fic! take care of yourself!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There is a swingset in the park that Kageyama passes by on his way to and from school. It's old—decrepit, even—and falling apart, the ropes barely holding up the seat anymore, the metal bars rusted an ugly red and brown all over.</p><p>It still works, though. The wind will push it back and forth with a delicate hand, and the swing goes along with it as if in desperation, creaking painfully. It would probably collapse the moment anyone tried to sit on it, but, technically, it still works.</p><p>They should just demolish it already.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>/ * \</p>
</div>Volleyball is a sanctuary even when he’s young: he can lose himself in the endless amounts of focus and practice the game takes, revelling in the ability to control everything with his very fingertips. He continues to hold it close to his chest as he grows up—it is better than any friend he could’ve had.<p>But because all good things must come to an end—so does volleyball, in a sense. It changes after Kageyama hears the ball fall onto the court with finality, sees his team standing motionless behind him.</p><p>
  <i>Nobody will be there for you. You have to be good enough, strong enough, all by yourself.</i>
</p><p>The message resounds as he gets home that night and fumbles with getting the mail and with the key in the lock, flicking the lights on as he walks in. The letter is from one of his parents—money for the groceries that month and a short note wishing him well. There isn’t a signature.</p><p>Kageyama makes himself dinner—pork curry with an egg on top, because what else would he have?—before lugging his bag upstairs and getting changed for bed. As he lies under his sheets, he stares out into his room, the darkness seeming to encroach on him—<i>you’ve always been on your own, anyway.</i></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>/ * \</p>
</div>Hinata is infuriating. He’s infuriating for a number of reasons, but what Kageyama hates most of all is the way Hinata will never, ever leave Kageyama alone. Doesn’t he understand that Kageyama is fine with being by himself?<p>No matter how much Kageyama shoos him away, Hinata always comes back and sticks by his side even firmer, like a puppy. He’s incorrigible, always saying he started to miss Kageyama’s tosses or got bored of eating lunch alone. </p><p>But the worst thing about it all is that, eventually, Kageyama starts getting used to it. He starts having Hinata pop into his thoughts, unbidden, wondering how he’s doing on the homework that Kageyama’s struggling on. He starts making mental notes of things he wants to talk to Hinata about the next time he sees Hinata, like that he should ask whether or not Hinata saw that cool volleyball match on TV last night. He starts actually wanting Hinata’s company.</p><p>
  <i>You’ve always been on your own. It’s easier to be.</i>
</p><p>“You’ve got such a scary look on your face!” Hinata suddenly sits right beside him at the table Kageyama was having lunch at. “Who’re you planning to kill this time, huh?”</p><p>“Nobody, idiot. Except maybe you.”</p><p>“What?” Hinata gasps in mock fear. “What have I ever done to deserve that? Well, except that time I stole your lunch, or that other time when I threw away your milk by accident, or—”</p><p>Kageyama hadn’t even known about the milk incident. “Sounds like you already have your answer.”</p><p>Hinata’s facade breaks as he laughs. Kageyama has to fight back the urge to smile, and in that is the fear—the fear of vulnerability, the fear of opening up to an unknown. Because last time—<i>you have to be good enough, strong enough, all by yourself.</i> It’s been ingrained in him for so long, reinforced time and time again, to the point that the very thought of breaking form is incomprehensible.</p><p>So Kageyama doesn’t smile, and Hinata doesn’t question it.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>/ * \</p>
</div>Something else that’s infuriating about Hinata: he doesn’t question much. He never questions how Kageyama never smiles. He never questions why Kageyama doesn’t seem to have any friends. He never questions why Kageyama doesn’t talk much about himself, or talk much at all. He’ll make fun of these things sometimes, sure, but there’s never a probing question lingering beneath it. He seems to know there are just some things about Kageyama that are the way they are and that won’t change.<p>Hinata accepts Kageyama as he is, flaws and all. He does not want to heal them or be anyone special to Kageyama; he just wants to be.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>/ * \</p>
</div>If Kageyama had his way, Hinata would have never come over to his house. As it is, though, it starts pouring halfway through their walk home, thunder crackling in the distance. He can’t send Hinata home like that, not when his house is so much closer and the storm is supposed to last a few hours at least. He can just send Hinata home afterwards.<p>As they enter Kageyama’s house and take off their shoes, Hinata chimes in with a soft “Sorry to intrude!”</p><p>Kageyama glances at him. “I already told you my parents aren’t home.”</p><p>“It’s called manners, dummy!”</p><p>Kageyama shrugs and drops his bag on the couch. He’s suddenly self-conscious of how Hinata is looking around the house with interest. He must see how the house looks barely lived in—no pictures, memorabilia, or ephemera anywhere.</p><p>But Hinata doesn’t say anything about that. No, he just looks down at himself, at how the carpet beneath him is getting wet, and asks, “Do you have some clothes I could borrow?”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>/ * \</p>
</div>Hinata invites him over for a sleepover a couple days later. The timing is suspicious and has Kageyama giving Hinata a sidelong look, but Hinata just grins at him. “It’ll be fun! We can watch movies all night and gorge ourselves on sweets and everything!”<p>Kageyama shrugs. “I guess.” He’s never been to a sleepover before. Is that what those entail?</p><p>“Oh, come on,” Hinata whines. “Don’t be a jerk and drag your feet on this! Just come over!”</p><p>And because Kageyama can’t really say no to Hinata on anything, he does. Hinata ushers him into his house with all too much excitement, and Kageyama is struck, first and foremost, by the <i>life</i> in the house. There’s paintings and photos everywhere, trinkets and souvenirs covering every shelf—the sense of unity and love is in the very air.</p><p>That’s when someone comes bounding around the corner, yelling, “Is nii-chan home?” before she stops suddenly in front of Kageyama. She looks up at him, tilts her head to the side. “You’re not nii-chan.”</p><p>“Uh, no, I’m not,” Kageyama says, intelligently.</p><p>“Natsu, that’s Kageyama!” Hinata reminds her helpfully. “Remember him? I told you about him the other day—the setter in my volleyball club?”</p><p>“Oh!” She gasps in remembrance. “You did! The one who sends you the very best tosses ever, right?”</p><p>Hinata makes an embarrassed noise. “Okay, Kageyama, you didn’t hear that—”</p><p>Kageyama can’t hold back the snicker. “Uh-huh.”</p><p>“I’m serious! You didn’t!”</p><p>Natsu looks confused throughout this whole exchange. “Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”</p><p>“No, you’re fine, Natsu,” Hinata says quickly. “Just—Kageyama gets a big ego, sometimes, you know?”</p><p>“Only because I know I give the very best tosses ever.”</p><p>Hinata shoots a glare at him. “You’re proving my point!”</p><p>“It’s not egotistical if it’s true.”</p><p>That’s when a woman walks in, probably Hinata’s mom. “You’ve been making such a ruckus in here! I’m glad you all are having fun. Kageyama-kun, let me know if you need anything at all, alright, dear?” When Kageyama nods, she continues, “Well, I’ll leave you to it. I hope you have a nice time, Kageyama-kun.”</p><p>Hinata drags him upstairs soon after, and they waste the evening away doing nothing at all. Hinata’s mother calls them down for dinner before Kageyama even knows it. Kageyama sits himself nervously next to Hinata—he’s never met a friend’s parents before. What’s the protocol here?</p><p>He shouldn’t have been worried, though. Hinata’s family carries the conversation easily, never letting it linger too long on one person or one subject. Even their questions—what he wants to be in the future, how he got into volleyball—aren’t probing. They’re genuine, curious, and Kageyama likes answering them. There’s a care in them that he’s not used to, that’s familiar, warm, inviting.</p><p>Then: “What do your parents do, Kageyama-kun?”</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, Kageyama sees Hinata shift uncomfortably. In contrast, Kageyama freezes. It takes him a moment to process the question.</p><p>“Ah, I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”</p><p>“No, um, it’s fine,” Kageyama says. Hinata is watching him closely, trying to be surreptitious about it. “My mom works in the military and my dad works for some big corporation in America. They don’t really come home much.”</p><p>“That’s terrible,” Hinata’s mother chimes. “Growing children need parents in their life.”</p><p>“It’s okay. I’m used to it.”</p><p>Hinata’s mother frowns. “If you say so. But know that we’re here for you, too, you know.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>/ * \</p>
</div>“I hope my parents didn’t make you uncomfortable,” Hinata says as they’re getting changed for bed. “They can be kinda—overbearing sometimes.”<p>“No, it’s fine. It was—different, I guess. But it was fine.”</p><p>“They weren’t kidding, though, you know. If you ever need people to be around—they’d always love to have you over.”</p><p>Kageyama doesn’t reply, so Hinata drops it. After Hinata’s breaths even out, though, Kageyama stares out into the darkness of Hinata’s room, broken by a fragmented moonbeam. <i>You’ve always been on your own, anyway.</i></p><p>But maybe he doesn’t have to be, unnerving as the idea is.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>/ * \</p>
</div>Kageyama starts going over to Hinata’s house more and more in the coming months after that, both because some little, traitorous part of him wants to and because Hinata and his family insists on it. He’s there more often than he is his actual house.<p>When it happens, it’s innocuous. Hinata’s mother is helping them out with their algebra homework and manages to explain it in a way that actually makes sense, and in unison, he and Hinata say, “Thanks, mom.”</p><p>It takes Kageyama a moment to realize why the two of them are staring at him. Then, without warning, Hinata’s mom ruffles his hair and murmurs, “You’re welcome, Tobio.”</p><p>And Kageyama realizes—maybe the change has already started to happen.</p><p>Somehow, the thought doesn’t scare him.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>/ * \</p>
</div>After one of their sleepovers, Kageyama realizes he had forgotten something at his house, so he and Hinata make a detour while heading to school to grab it. On their way, they pass by the swingset, still as dilapidated as ever.<p>“Oh, they should fix up that swingset!” Hinata chirps. “It would be great if they could get it working again. Imagine how happy it’d make all the little kids who live here.”</p><p>“It’s so run-down, though. They’d never be able to fix it.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Hinata tilts his head to the side. “You can repair anything if you give it enough time.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oof i was very nervous about posting this one but i hope that you liked it!! ;o; thanks so much for reading! comments, kudos, and concrit are all super appreciated! feel free to hmu on twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/hhatsunetsu">@hhatsunetsu</a>! i would love to chat with you ;v; have a great day and thanks again for reading!!</p><p>p.s. inktober is back!! i'll be posting one kagehina fic a day until we get to the final fic i wrote on the 31st ;v; hope you enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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